The Monastery by J.N. Williamson

I find J.N. Williamson books often but this is my first read-through of one.

First off, I picked it because I like that owl on the cover. Reminds me of Rush Fly by Night which I think is one of the coolest album covers ever. And I love a good snowstorm story.

So how is it??

You know how on shows like Saved by the Bell a random one-episode new "cool kid" shows up with his leather jacket and sunglasses and rebel attitude? Now imagine he sits down at your table in a chair facing backwards and tells you dudes and dudettes a bitchin story about a fam stuck in the middle of nowhere in a snowstorm in Indiana. The only place for miles is an old Monastery. Suck ass! That's how this is written. Like a rated PG hooligan named "Shades" is narrating. It's...annoying. But it does lighten up about the halfway point.

Mom, dad and kid are stuck in this Monastery with weird Russian cult/religious people. Dad is a recently recovering alcoholic and a total prick. Am I supposed to like this guy? Mom is Wendy.

“Oh come on now Jack, don't be like that.”

He just wants a drink. Their kid is beyond annoying and there is this whole, I'm going to be a future NBA Celtic player thing that really sucks the horror mood right out. The cult makes them stay until after December 29th and their reviving Christ ceremony is over. Spoiler alert.

Christ is really Rasputin. The cult mutilates themselves in honor of "Christ's" sufferings to bring him back. The head lady is a shape shifting super babe. We’ve got old naked guys that want to touch naked children. Sexless orgies. Giant white wolf pack. Talking ghosts. Garage of dead bodies. Russian words with immediate translations over and over. Kind of a trudge to get through to be honest. Lots of unnecessary fluff. They go over and over their "religion." Fuck man! I get it. Also, the most cringe intro ever; "It was the day after Christmas and all through the truck..."

Good things: they made the dad a short guy. It made it more real. Not every character in every book can be a giant muscle man. I liked the Russian folklore. The gore was definitely gory. I loved the snowy Monastery setting though Indiana wouldn't be my first choice. How about maybe, I don't know, Russia? Siberia? Umm did I mention I liked that owl on the cover? Yeah. Yeah, I guess that's it.

Zebra 1992

/////Review by Nick Anderson

Instagram @next_stop_willoughby