Con Sellers wrote over 200 paperback novels ranging from porn to the novelization for the TV show Dallas. But mostly porn. He was a much beloved community College writing instructor, who I could imagine from looking at his book titles, was a load of laughs. A Handful of Death was published by Beeline Books who also mostly did porn. Every book I’ve come across is softcore so it’s more of a fun cover than anything appealing. Kissing, groping, breasts…fade to black. So, we have an author who mostly wrote porn by a publisher who mostly released porn, doing a espionage/karate novel. Sounds intriguing right?
Let me start with a resounding…huh? This thing was a mess. The hero is a Karate chopping, Japanese (or Korean?) American spy named Pat Kim. To be honest I’m not a hundred percent sure that’s the character’s name as he had five aliases, and they throw them all at you at the beginning and then switch them off and on throughout the book. Also, it’s not clear what his nationality background is. He talks about being Korean and having a Korean dad but also, they lived in Okinawa so he’s Japanese…maybe his mom? But then he’s recruited to the US espionage unit but maybe he’s born in the US? There’s also this stuff about Koreans being the Irish of the “Orient” and that’s why he’s named Pat, to add more mud to the water. And I don’t mean it’s muddled as part of the plot because he’s a spy, we’re supposed to understand it, so we understand his character’s inner mental dilemmas.
Seriously, so confusing. Also confusing is the plot. He’s supposed to trade one million US dollars to underground communists for other nations currency. I guess, so they can somehow track it and find out who the communists are? The whole time I was like I’m sure this will all make sense eventually. Nope.
So, he’s in South Korea posing as a Japanese American businessman with an US espionage connection who is undercover in the military over there. There are other parties involved that at first I thought were allies but maybe not. He hangs out with a prostitute who’s somehow involved as a connection but I never understood how. He falls in love with her and she’s the one mentioned on the back cover as the woman he has to persuade to die for him. Which, nothing like that happens. She’s barely in it other than some fade to black sex scenes. She’s definitely not shooting some automatic rifle in a sexy torn dress like on the cover.
Pat Kim deals with shady Political guys who side hustle as criminals with communist ties. Also, some Korean general who wants the money or…man, I just don’t know what he wants or his whole point in the book. Someone tries to shoot Pat Kim and they elude that it was the general but no reason is given. There’s some thugs that work for the politician who try to take him out but surprise, Pat is a master of KARATE. People are terrified of karate in this book. It’s hilarious. It could have used way more of it in this though as most of the book is him pontificating on life and his job. All this book had to be was spy and karate man, it’s so easy. It would have been great. Or mildly entertaining anyway.
And then the book ends without settling anything or anything happening. I was like, are you kidding? This is the end you’re going with? Also, this book has the most misspelled words of any book I’ve ever read. Zero editing went into this. I doubt Beeline even read it before they sent it to the printers. This book is so bad it’s almost charming and would have been right up my alley if only more would have happened and less existential brooding.
Beeline Books 1966
Review by: Nick Anderson Instagram: @next_stop_willoughby
No comments:
Post a Comment